Yesterday, I tried to read a book at the library. I intended to look for books with my children and wife. I had a strong desire to read a book again after a very long time. First, we stopped by the Youth Center on the way to the library. There, my children and I had ramen and drinks. Just being out with my family like this after so long completely changed my mood. We hadn’t gone far, as it was near our home, but it felt as if our whole family was on a trip. There was a small children’s play area, and we could also play bowling or billiards. It wasn’t anything grand, but the time itself was good.
Then we headed to the library. It only took about two minutes to walk from the Youth Center we’d just visited to the library. But in that mere two minutes, the atmosphere completely shifted. At the Youth Center, children were shouting, singing, and running around, but the library, just two minutes away, was incredibly quiet. Even though there were many people, everyone was silently reading. The children were also speaking in hushed whispers to their mothers.
I sat down in the library and tried to read a book. I picked a book I liked from the many available and tried to read it. But… I wanted to read, yet I couldn’t. It wasn’t that the words weren’t entering my eyes. I clearly felt in my mind that I could read the book. Even if not 100%, I felt like I could understand what the book was about. However, as soon as I finished reading, the memory of what I’d read disappeared. It felt familiar, and I read it with my mind, but quickly, my mind felt hollow. ‘Hmm… I can’t read books… I’m wrong.’ As soon as this thought came, a deep sense of frustration washed over me.
Oh, how wonderful it would be if I could just get any words right. Any words would do, as long as I could speak them properly. Even if I can read the words with my eyes, the fact that the content doesn’t enter my mind or get remembered makes me so upset. I’ve been a person who read and wrote my entire life, and now the reality that even basic reading is difficult is unbelievable. Before this happened, I gained so much through books, but now even that pathway seems blocked.
I can’t understand what’s happening or why I’m in this state. It’s frustrating and infuriating. How long do I have to live like this? A life where I’ve lost language, lost memory, and where even basic cognitive abilities are shaky is a torment every moment. People tell me I’ll be okay, that it’s a relief, but within me, a constant battle is raging. This battle, I don’t know when it will end. For now, there’s no other option but to accept this painful reality.
✅ Simple, Repetitive Word Practice – Speech Support (English)
- Fan Fan Fan Fan Fan Fan Fan Fan Fan Fan
- Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin Penguin
- Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone
- Ant Ant Ant Ant Ant Ant Ant Ant Ant Ant
- Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple
- Grape Grape Grape Grape Grape Grape Grape Grape Grape Grape
- School School School School School School School School School School
- Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn Yawn
- Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar Pull-up bar
- Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon Jajangmyeon
- Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush Hairbrush
- Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone Telephone
- Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel
- Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette Cigarette
- Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass Magnifying glass